


Never trust an angel's tongue

by gershwinpalmercecil



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Food, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-03
Updated: 2012-10-03
Packaged: 2017-11-15 13:54:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/528025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gershwinpalmercecil/pseuds/gershwinpalmercecil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is doing his best to please the Winchesters, but it turns out to be catastrophic!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. never trust an angel's tongue chap.1

**Author's Note:**

> You'll find out that Sam doesn't play a big role in this fic, but I just love his 'sassyness' so..yeah, sassy Sam is sassy and I love annoying Dean ;P.

Dean was in problems. Very big problems. The matter-of-life-and-death kind of problems.

 

 

 

‘’Dean, I swear to god, if you don’t fix this, I’m starting a hunger strike!’’

 

‘’What do you want me to do, Sammy? I don’t know how to deal with those kind of things…and don’t be such a child! Hunger strike, really?’’

 

‘’…You’re aware.’’

 

 

See, about tree days ago, the older brother thought that since Castiel was spending more of his time with him and Sammy, he could teach the angel the simple basics of housekeeping.

 

‘’What? Don’t look at me like this! If he’s going to live with us, the least he can do is that!’’

 

‘’Dean, I told you-‘’

 

‘’You know what you can do with your ‘‘told you’’, Sam?!?’’

 

 

Both of the brothers were pretty tensed, because it was almost twelve o’clock. And what do you do at twelve o’clock? You _eat_. Sincerely, the hunter didn’t think he could survive to another diner. Of course, Castiel was doing his best to cook various meals every day, with entries, dessert and a lovely table service but...

 

‘’Dinner is ready’’

 

…

 

‘’Sam, Dean?’’

 

Dean slowly got up from his chair, trying to ignore the deadly, accusing look Sam was giving him. They both arrived in the kitchen, where their angel was waiting for them, with a big shiny smile on his face.

 

‘’You may sit at your places, the entries are already served.’’

 

That was the problem. _The food_. The food was horrible, inedible. Not that Cas didn’t put efforts in his cooking. He sometimes spent 3 hours in front of the oven, but the result was always a disaster, because Castiel couldn’t taste the food the way human could. He wasn't aware that some flavors really didn't tasted well with each others. He never did and didn’t seem to think that he needed too.

With a sigh, the hunters started to eat what appeared to be romaine lettuce with freshly mixed orange, marshmallow and mustard vinaigrette. Dean had to do something, anything to stop this torture. Maybe if he could convince Cas to taste his…food, he could make him realize what’s wrong.

 

‘’Sammy, we have to stop Cas.’’

 

‘’We? You are the one who created a monster!’’

 

‘’Would you shut up for a minute, I don’t want him to hear us, but I have an idea.’’

 

‘’O h yeah and what is that? You want to teach him how to do the washing? I don’t want to end up with doll’s clothes!’’

 

‘’Zip it and eat’’

 

‘’Urgh…’’

 

‘’I have to make him taste his food and then he’ll realize how awful it is. But I need your help, we have to be very subtle.’’

 

‘’Oh, yeah and you’re a master of subtlety, aren’t you?’’

 

‘’Gosh Sam, are you on your period or something? Just help me on this, okay!’’

 

Trying to swallow, with a wince on his face, Sam nodded as they both looked at Castiel, preparing the rest of the dinner.

 

‘’Hum, Cas?’’

 

‘’Yes, Dean?’’

 

‘’I was wondering if, uh, if I-…I mean if you-‘’

 

 

Dammit! How was Dean supposed to do this? He didn’t want to sadden the angel, who looked so ridiculously happy while cooking for them.

 

 

‘’Do you wish to have more salad, Dean?’’

 

‘’NO! Hum, thanks, Cas, but I’m good.’’

 

‘’So, why did you interpellated me, then?’’

 

‘’Are you-Cas are you hungry?’’

 

Castiel stopped preparing the food and gave a strange looked at Dean.

 

‘’You do know that my body do not require nourishment?’’

 

‘’Well, yes but maybe, I thought that…Oh, screw that!’’

 

Dean stood so fast he almost overturned the table, making Sam jump out of his chair. Pointing his fork in Castiel’s direction, he walked trough the kitchen and quickly shoved some salad in his mouth.

Giving a very curious look at the hunter, the angel slowly chewed, then swallowed his mouthful. Barely moving, the Winchesters waited for a sign of response.

 

‘’Oh my father…This dressing really need more marshmallows!’’

 

Mutually giving them face palm, the brothers sat down and proceeded to eat the rest of their diner (which was a grilled chicken wrapped in cotton candy and bowls of ketchup-potato ice-cream flavour) in silence.

 

 

For the supper.They’ll make a better plan for the supper, or it could be their last meal (and what a meal).


	2. never trust an angel's tongue chap.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is doing his best to please the Winchesters, but it turns out to be catastrophic!

It was the final countdown and it didn’t looked as awesome as the song was implying. Only half an hour until the supper and Dean could already smell the odour of what seemed to be fish, pineapple and…milk?! He was in total panic; Sam had left an hour ago, leaving Dean to find a solution by his own. Castiel didn’t even react when Sam said he had to do some ‘’research’’! He was probably far away from the stinky supper Cas was cooking. This bastard! The hunter was sure his little brother didn’t leave accidentally few times before the supper. He could perfectly imagine Sam right now, eating his damn rabbit food (who all of a sudden didn’t appear so disgusting to Dean).What could he do? Even after eating his own food, Cas didn’t stopped cooking! Earlier in the evening, Dean even gave a cooking book to Castiel, with nice, normal recipes, but the angel said it was _too common_ , that he wanted to cooked _special_ food for his friends…

 

‘’Supper is ready!’’

 

…

 

Doomed. Dean Winchester was doomed!

 

‘’Dean?’’

 

‘’Coming!’’

 

Quick, quick! He had to make something up, an excuse, an allergy, anything!

 

‘’Uh, you know what Cas? I’m not really hungry right now...’’

 

‘’Dean, I can hear your stomach growling from here.’’

 

Fuck.

 

In the kitchen, Castiel was sitting at the table, the place in front of him perfectly arranged, worthy for a supper at the restaurant. In Dean’s bowl, there was a smelly…thing, which looked like yogurt, but contained fish and yellow flabby pieces of pineapple. Another awkward moment to add on the hunter’s list; the angel was staring at Dean and Dean was staring at his meal, wondering if the last thing he’ll do in his life will be choking on some odorous piece of fish.

 

 

 

 

 

‘’Aren’t you going to eat, Dean?’’

 

Gulp. ’’Uh, sure, Cas, of course. Why wouldn’t I want to eat your…’’

 

‘’Hawaiian gazpacho.’’

 

‘’Yes, right, your Hawaiian gazpetroleum…’’

 

Castiel was looking directly in Dean’s eyes, waiting for him to start eating. He had no choice; the angel will not go anywhere until Dean finished his bowl. So he took his spoon, dipped it into the mixture, slowly approached it to his mouth and quickly engulfed the bite. His eyes suddenly widened, there was something wrong! The stinky piece of fish was stuck into Dean’s throat, preventing him to breathe. Holly shit, he was actually choking on his last meal! Without rushing, Castiel stood up, walked around the table and gave three or four tap on the hunter’s back. Dean finally spitted his bite in the floor and started breathing (loudly) again.

 

‘’Is your performance finished, now, Dean?’’

 

‘’Kof, my what?’’

 

‘’I asked you if your drama queen show is over.’’

 

‘’My-I’m not making a freaking drama show, Cas, I wad _dying_!’’

 

‘’Yes you are, it’s been almost a week since you’re playing this little game. All this because you can’t directly tell me that you don’t like my food!’’

 

‘’You-You knew? You knew it was this bad and you never stopped!’’

 

‘’Of course I knew, Dean, did you really think I could cook _this bad_ without knowing it?’’

 

Dean didn’t know what to think. He was completely lost and what Cas was saying didn’t make any sense! Was the angel on his period too? Gosh, why did the hunter had to live with to immature diva? He tried to calm down a bit, because yelling didn’t make the situation better anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘’Then why,Cas? Why did you make us eat crap during _all the fucking week_?!?’’

 

Okay,too bad for the calm down part.

 

‘’I am not your maid,Dean!’’

 

‘’So what? You poisoned us with your Tiki patchouli-‘’

 

‘’Hawaiian gazpacho-‘’

 

‘’Shut up! You poisoned us for vengeance, only because we asked you to help with the housework?’’

 

‘’…It sounds more idiot when you say it.’’

 

‘’Of course it’s idiot! And if you didn’t liked it, why were you smiling while cooking then?!’’

 

With a grin and rash look, Cas sticked his eyes into Dean’s.

 

‘’You should’ve seen your faces, when each day you discovered a new horrible plate on the table.’’

 

…

 

‘’Three weeks.’’

 

‘’what?’’

 

‘’You owe us three weeks of your services as housekeeper for…physical damages.’’

 

‘’You want me to cook for eigtheen more days? Dean, I knew you had masochist tendencies, but I didn’t knew it was this bad!’’

 

‘’Pff, more like three weeks of housework, including the dishes, washing our clothes, sweeping the floor and I’m just starting.’’

 

Ha! Who was grinning at who now?

 

‘’On this happy ending, I’m going to visit one or two fast foods, when I come back, I want all my dirty socks cleaned and sorted by colors.’’

 

Merrily whistling _We are the champions_ , Dean took his coat and leaved the room, still smiling at how he majestically turned his conversation with Cas in his favour. Yep. You couldn’t intend of winning ‘’power games’’ against Dean Winchester, cheeky moose trainer since his childhood.

 

 

 

 


End file.
